Dealing with Rumor-mongers and Gossips in a Christian Way

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The best way to minimize rumors and gossip in your life is to turn your enemies into friends and allies. Take a look at this testimony of a person who turned his enemy into a friend:

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“Early in my career, I was once figuratively stabbed in the back by a colleague, which nearly led to me being fired…Rather than waste time and energy by dragging around a bag of resentments, I worked on my negative attitude…Whenever we ran into each other, I would smile and say “Hello, how are you?” I was met with a scowl or ignored. This continued for three months, but I was determined not to let the person ruin my day. I no longer wanted to give away my power. Then, suddenly, my adversary had a change in attitude, and became a trusted associate.”

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Try active non-violence and apply the biblical teaching of loving your enemies. It is not a sign of weakness and cowardice of trying to win the hearts of your gossips and rumor mongers. If you believe in something supernatural and have a solid philosophy in life, loving your enemies is a sign of courage and ultimate wisdom. After all, we are only pilgrims of this earth. Let us condemn and sue those who spread unjust and malicious acts of rumors and gossip. Let us condemn the acts but forgive the person as every individual can also be a victim of his/her past and social environment.

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In the Gospel,  an adulterer and sinner was brought in front of Jesus. Some people wanted to trap him in order to accuse Him of violating the Judaic law. But Jesus instead said to the accusers:

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“He that is without sin among you, let him cast the first stone at her.”

The  people around him were so touched by their own consciences that they departed. So Jesus found himself alone with the woman. He asked her where were her accusers.

She replied, “No man, lord.”

Jesus then said, “Neither do I condemn thee: go and sin no more.”

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The best way to fight rumors and gossip is to accept and forgive people despite their sins of spreading unverified information or fake news. Applying the Christian teaching of fraternal correction, genuine Christians approach rumor-mongers and gossips in the spirit of charity. They reach out to their enemies and convert them into friends. Christian love unites people and transform them into real believers of the Truth.

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Culture is Important in Job Hiring

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Introduction

Culture matters in job recruitment. Hiring people to fill up vacant positions in the company requires that the new recruit does not only possess the necessary skill and talent for the job but also a “perfect fit” in the company’s organizational culture. Assuming that the applicant has all the qualifications, the primary question a recruiter should ask himself/herself before hiring an applicant must be this: “Can this person, if hired, persist in his/her job despite the negative traits of the company’s culture? Can his/her personality and value system tolerate if s/he discovers the most toxic trait or aspect of the company’s way of life? For instance, if s/he discovers that the company has strong power cliques or lacks career plan, can this new recruit capable of and willing to adjust and stay in the company? Will s/he be loyal in spite of….?

2 Dimensions of Hiring People

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There are basically two major dimensions of hiring new applicants into the company: the technical and the cultural. The technical dimension includes the educational background, talent, experience and expertise of the applicant for the job. The cultural includes the applicants’ personality, value system, beliefs, attitudes to rules, power and authority or work ethic.The technical aspect is easier to handle than the cultural one. The resume or CV can be an important guide with regard to the technical aspect of the job. But there seems to be no comprehensive guide or tool for the recruiter or interviewer to understand the applicant’s cultural orientation. A well-planned interview guide can probably handle this, revealing the applicant’s basic cultural attitude and value system vis-a-vis the hiring company’ core values. The psychological exams may reveal some aspects of the person’s cultural life but not enough to cover all about the person’s character, value system, disposition, interpersonal skills and attitude towards work: all these are important characteristics which can determine the recruit’s longevity in the company.

The Recruiter Must Have a Sufficient Knowledge of Company’s Culture

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It is difficult for a recruiter to know whether the applicant fits into the company’s culture if s/he is not part of the company or lacks an emic (insider’s knowledge) perspective of the organizational culture of the hiring company. Well, if the position is basically a technical one which doesn’t require much social networking or managing people, this internal knowledge of the corporate culture may not be that necessary. But people are not robots. They react to situations based on their cultural values and beliefs. Most failures in hiring–in a sense that recruits do not stay longer in the company–is probably due to lack of sufficient knowledge of the recruiter about the organizational culture of the hiring company. In this sense, the hiring company is accepting people who are technically capable but incompatible to its overall cultural mold. The result: fast turnovers due to cultural incompatibility between the new recruits’ cultural orientation and the cultural expectations of the hiring company.

Fast turnovers in the company’s hiring can therefore be an indicator of a mismatch between the recruit’s cultural values and the company’s organizational culture. And ultimately, the recruiting team can take the blame for hiring people whose cultural and mental frames as well as corporate values are in conflict with those of the company. The technical aspect of the job may be a perfect match but not the value system of the new employee and that of the hiring company.

Final Reminder

Remember: Hiring is like finding a missing spare part of a particular brand of car. The recruiter may find a spare part similar to the original one but not in design and brand; thus, it will never fit into the car system. It will only damage the car. Thus, if the cultural orientation and value system of the newly-hired employee do not jibe with that of the company’s culture, s/he never fit into the firm’s cultural system. S/he can only cause harm rather improve the brand and productivity of the company. It is therefore important that the recruiter knows the brand and make of the car in order that s/he can spot and buy the correct spare part for the car. The ideal recruiter is one who knows the “basic parts and their interdependence in the entire system” of the hiring company.

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6 Top Signs a Guy Isn’t Interested in You Anymore

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1. He Stops Texting or Calling You.

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If your boyfriend stops calling or texting you regularly the way he used to do, then his interest in your relationship has gone cold. A guy who truly loves you will always find ways to contact you no matter how busy he is with his job or work.

2. He Flirts with Other Women In Front Of You

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Flirting with other women in front of you is a sure sign that he has lost interest in you, or he is indeed a playboy who is incapable of bringing you to the altar. Why would he flirt with other women if he is really serious in your relationship and intending to marry you in the future?

3. His Body Language Changes Around You

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“When a guy likes you, he might not say so directly, but his body language will. He’ll lean towards you to build intimacy, face his body towards you in group situations, and find reasons to touch your shoulder or arm (like when he makes you laugh)” (Bastion).

If your boyfriend is no longer as sweet and caring as he used to be, then he probably lost his interest in you. It’s a sign that you need to move on and find another suitable partner.

4. He Doesn’t Pay Attention Like He Used To

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Romantic relationships call for intimacy and mutual care on a regular basis. This entails every partner to provide special attention to your loved one. If your boyfriend is no longer giving you the special attention he used to give you when you started the relationship, then it’s a sign that he is no longer interested in you. Watch out for inconsistencies of what he says and what he does. If he says that “I will never, ever love somebody more than I love you” but starts to take you for granted, then it’s time to find another guy until you’ll find your match and get engaged.

5. You Always Have To Text And Call Him First

You will know that your man is no longer interested in you always have to text and call him instead he taking the initiative to contact you. In this case, he may be busy with other things or maybe having other relationships with other girls. A guy who is truly in love with you would make sure to contact you no matter how busy he is! A change in pattern in your communication is the biggest sign that he is gradually abandoning you!

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6. He Doesn’t Get Jealous If You Mention Seeing Someone

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Jealousy is not always a negative reaction. Being jealous can be just a way to guard the exclusive relationship from intruders. If your boyfriend is jealous when you mention that you’re seeing someone is just a normal reaction and a precaution for him that you might get tempted to entertain other relationship. A Romantic relationship is basically dyad or pair with 2 people falling in love, not triad or any form of polygamous union. So, if your guy is not jealous even if you mentioned the positive traits of the person you met, then this can be a sign that he doesn’t care because he loses interest in your relationship.

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Reference

Bastion, N. (n.d.). “The Top 10 Signs a Guy Ins’t Interested in You Anymore”. Retrieved http://www.vixendaily.com/love/top-10-signs-a-guy-isnt-interested-in-you-anymore/

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Why Men Suffer More Badly than Women after Breakups

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Many assume that women would suffer more trauma than men after an ending of a serious relationship. This conclusion may be true in the economic realm, especially if the female partners or wives are dependent on their boyfriends and husbands for support. But in the emotional or psychological realm, the case may be different. Women tend to perform well in coping with the emotional pains after a breakup in a relationship compared to men!

A study by Perilloux and Buss (2008) indicated that knowing who among the men and women would suffer more pain in coping with a breakup would depend on who are the rejectors and rejectees.

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Both men and women who were rejected, compared with those who did the rejecting, experienced more depression, loss of self-esteem, and rumination. But between men and women who were both rejected after a serious relationship, men tend to suffer more emotional hardships than women.

If men were rejected (rejectees) by their girlfriends and housewives (rejectors) in serious relationships, they tend to cope very badly after breakups compared to women (rejectees). Some studies revealed that women typically report experiencing more benefits after the breakup and men report poorer adjustment (e.g.Avellar & Smock, 2005; Bevvino and Sharkin, 2003; Haugaard and Seri, 2003).

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In addition, since men tend to be more romantic and more involved in establishing and maintaining a romantic or marital relationship, they experience more frustrations compared to their female partners after a divorce or separation. To enhance their romantic union, men tend to invest more time and resources than women. This serious investment of male partners in a romantic or marital union can lead to large costs if the relationship is terminated. Breakups can be costly and emotionally devastating to men when their ladies decide to discontinue the relationships.

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Why Men Deal with Breakups More Badly than Women

1. Although they tend to have more business and social connections as well as personal friends than women in public life, men generally have less intimate friends to confide their emotional problems compared to women. In terms of quality and intimacy in personal relationships, women tend to have deeper social bonding with their peers, cliques, and friends than men. Women tend to share more of their negative emotional experiences with their inner circles of friends than men.

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2. Men tend to hide their emotions compared to women. In a patriarchal society, men are socialized by their parents to be strong, logical, active, and masculine in their personal ways. Sons are expected to avoid signs of femininity in dealing with problems of life.

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Although they are trained to be strong in real life problems, they are not socialized to handle well emotional problems such as divorce or serious breakups in romantic relationships. Thus, when their girlfriends and wives decide to end the relationship, they usually experience strong depression, loneliness, and imbalance in their daily routine. Men’s main confidante in romantic and marital relationships are usually their female partners. Thus, if the latter would divorce and reject them, the separation and emotional hurt are indeed very painful to them. In this case, many would resort to palliatives such as using drugs and alcoholism just to forget the past and minimize the emotional suffering.

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3. Men do not often express negative emotions compared to women (e.g., Burke et al., 1976; Levenson et al., 1994). Some studies have shown that there are gender differences in the stressful reactions to coping with negative daily life events and that women are more likely to use negative emotion-related coping strategies such as cognitive rumination and seeking emotional support than men (Matud, 2004; Tamres et al., 2002).

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Conclusion

In sum, it is true that men, especially the breadwinners, can easily cope well after a divorce or separation than women in the economic realm. But in the area of emotional and psychological adjustments, men tend to suffer more emotional pain and trauma and recover badly after a breakup compared to women. The socialization process or social upbringing of men in society that emphasizes reason, achievement, suppression of negative emotions, and focus on economic and social pursuits, rather than on fulfilling emotional needs for males, is a major contributory factor on why men tend to have less intimate friends and tend to be inhibited to share their emotional problems after a breakup.

Thank you for reading this post. Feel free to like, comment, or share it with your friends and followers. Cheers and best wishes!

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References

Avellar, S., and Smock, P.J. (2005). The economic consequences of the dissolution of cohabiting unions. Journal of Marriage and Family, 67, 315327.

Bevvino, D.L., and Sharkin, B.S. (2003). Divorce adjustment as a function of finding meaning and gender differences. Journal of Divorce and Remarriage, 39, 8197.

Burke, R. J., Weir, T., & Harrison, D. (1976). Disclosure of problems and tensions experienced by marital partners. Psychological Reports, 38, 531–542.

Haugaard, J.J., and Seri, L.G. (2003). Stalking and other forms of intrusive contact after the dissolution of adolescent dating or romantic relationships. Violence and Victims, 18, 279297.

Levenson, R. W., Carstensen, L. L., & Gottman, J. M. (1994). The influence of age and gender on affect, physiology, and their interrelations: A study of long-term marriages. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 67, 56–68.

Matud, M. P. (2004). Gender differences in stress and coping styles. Personality and Individual Differences, 37, 1401-1415.

Perriloux, C and Buss, D. (2008). Breaking up Romantic Relationships: Costs Experienced and Coping Strategies Deployed. Evolutionary Psychology. 

Tamres, L. K., Janicki, D., & Helgeson, V. S. (2002). Sex differences in coping behavior: A meta-analytic review and an examination of relative coping. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 6, 2-30.

Why does society pressure us to conform to it?*

*This post is based on my answer in Quora.com at https://www.quora.com/Why-does-society-pressure-us-to-conform-to-it/answer/Ven-Ballano.

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Answer:

Society must achieve its goals and development plans, articulated in terms of norms, for the promotion of the common good of all its citizens. Thus it pressures people to conform to its social expectations and norms.

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Society has formal and informal norms. The informal norms consist of customs, traditions, or folkways, while the formal norms consist of laws, the state’s official and written social norms. Norms serve important social functions in society. They guarantee social order and integration of people as well as serve as deterrence against crimes and other forms of deviance. All societies, whether primitive or state society, have norms which pressure inhabitants to conform , otherwise they face sanction and punishment by the state’s judicial system.

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Society must have some forms of coercion and pressure to force people to obey the norms and preserve social order, otherwise it would gradually disintegrate due to anarchy and crimes groups.

One must take note that society’s norms or laws by themselves do not necessarily force people to conform. For the German sociologist Max Weber, there is no law without a specialized staff or group of law enforcers who would implement the letter of the law.

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What pressures people to conform to society’s norms lies in the law enforcement system, in the psychological coercion to people’s minds that any criminal or violator who break the law will surely be punished by an efficient police force or group of enforcers.

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Every society has certain long-term and short-term goals as articulated by the government which must be obeyed by people. The goals are legislated into laws by the legislature. These goals must be achieved by the state for the attainment and protection of the common good. That’s why urban democratic society are “ruled by laws, not be men (or women).”

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Democratic and republican societies usually invoked the police power of the state to pressure its citizens to conform to state laws. This is an inherent power of the state that can overrule individual human rights in the name of social welfare, public order, public health, and the common good.

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