Why Men Suffer More Badly than Women after Breakups

sad low kii savage GIF by Kiiara

Many assume that women would suffer more trauma than men after an ending of a serious relationship. This conclusion may be true in the economic realm, especially if the female partners or wives are dependent on their boyfriends and husbands for support. But in the emotional or psychological realm, the case may be different. Women tend to perform well in coping with the emotional pains after a breakup in a relationship compared to men!

A study by Perilloux and Buss (2008) indicated that knowing who among the men and women would suffer more pain in coping with a breakup would depend on who are the rejectors and rejectees.

Animated GIF

Both men and women who were rejected, compared with those who did the rejecting, experienced more depression, loss of self-esteem, and rumination. But between men and women who were both rejected after a serious relationship, men tend to suffer more emotional hardships than women.

If men were rejected (rejectees) by their girlfriends and housewives (rejectors) in serious relationships, they tend to cope very badly after breakups compared to women (rejectees). Some studies revealed that women typically report experiencing more benefits after the breakup and men report poorer adjustment (e.g.Avellar & Smock, 2005; Bevvino and Sharkin, 2003; Haugaard and Seri, 2003).

mad men cry GIF

In addition, since men tend to be more romantic and more involved in establishing and maintaining a romantic or marital relationship, they experience more frustrations compared to their female partners after a divorce or separation. To enhance their romantic union, men tend to invest more time and resources than women. This serious investment of male partners in a romantic or marital union can lead to large costs if the relationship is terminated. Breakups can be costly and emotionally devastating to men when their ladies decide to discontinue the relationships.

x-men cry GIF

Why Men Deal with Breakups More Badly than Women

1. Although they tend to have more business and social connections as well as personal friends than women in public life, men generally have less intimate friends to confide their emotional problems compared to women. In terms of quality and intimacy in personal relationships, women tend to have deeper social bonding with their peers, cliques, and friends than men. Women tend to share more of their negative emotional experiences with their inner circles of friends than men.

women GIF by buzzfeedladylike

2. Men tend to hide their emotions compared to women. In a patriarchal society, men are socialized by their parents to be strong, logical, active, and masculine in their personal ways. Sons are expected to avoid signs of femininity in dealing with problems of life.

CyclonesTV strong man GIF

Although they are trained to be strong in real life problems, they are not socialized to handle well emotional problems such as divorce or serious breakups in romantic relationships. Thus, when their girlfriends and wives decide to end the relationship, they usually experience strong depression, loneliness, and imbalance in their daily routine. Men’s main confidante in romantic and marital relationships are usually their female partners. Thus, if the latter would divorce and reject them, the separation and emotional hurt are indeed very painful to them. In this case, many would resort to palliatives such as using drugs and alcoholism just to forget the past and minimize the emotional suffering.

charlie sheen drinking GIF

3. Men do not often express negative emotions compared to women (e.g., Burke et al., 1976; Levenson et al., 1994). Some studies have shown that there are gender differences in the stressful reactions to coping with negative daily life events and that women are more likely to use negative emotion-related coping strategies such as cognitive rumination and seeking emotional support than men (Matud, 2004; Tamres et al., 2002).

chatting african american GIF

Conclusion

In sum, it is true that men, especially the breadwinners, can easily cope well after a divorce or separation than women in the economic realm. But in the area of emotional and psychological adjustments, men tend to suffer more emotional pain and trauma and recover badly after a breakup compared to women. The socialization process or social upbringing of men in society that emphasizes reason, achievement, suppression of negative emotions, and focus on economic and social pursuits, rather than on fulfilling emotional needs for males, is a major contributory factor on why men tend to have less intimate friends and tend to be inhibited to share their emotional problems after a breakup.

Thank you for reading this post. Feel free to like, comment, or share it with your friends and followers. Cheers and best wishes!

GIF Credits: Giphy.com

References

Avellar, S., and Smock, P.J. (2005). The economic consequences of the dissolution of cohabiting unions. Journal of Marriage and Family, 67, 315327.

Bevvino, D.L., and Sharkin, B.S. (2003). Divorce adjustment as a function of finding meaning and gender differences. Journal of Divorce and Remarriage, 39, 8197.

Burke, R. J., Weir, T., & Harrison, D. (1976). Disclosure of problems and tensions experienced by marital partners. Psychological Reports, 38, 531–542.

Haugaard, J.J., and Seri, L.G. (2003). Stalking and other forms of intrusive contact after the dissolution of adolescent dating or romantic relationships. Violence and Victims, 18, 279297.

Levenson, R. W., Carstensen, L. L., & Gottman, J. M. (1994). The influence of age and gender on affect, physiology, and their interrelations: A study of long-term marriages. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 67, 56–68.

Matud, M. P. (2004). Gender differences in stress and coping styles. Personality and Individual Differences, 37, 1401-1415.

Perriloux, C and Buss, D. (2008). Breaking up Romantic Relationships: Costs Experienced and Coping Strategies Deployed. Evolutionary Psychology. 

Tamres, L. K., Janicki, D., & Helgeson, V. S. (2002). Sex differences in coping behavior: A meta-analytic review and an examination of relative coping. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 6, 2-30.

Why Men Suffer More Badly than Women after Breakups

sad low kii savage GIF by Kiiara

Many assume that women would suffer more trauma than men after an ending of a serious relationship. This conclusion may be true in the economic realm, especially if the female partners or wives are dependent on their boyfriends and husbands for support. But in the emotional or psychological realm, the case may be different. Women tend to perform well in coping with the emotional pains after a breakup in a relationship compared to men!

A study by Perilloux and Buss (2008) indicated that knowing who among the men and women would suffer more pain in coping with a breakup would depend on who are the rejectors and rejectees.

Animated GIF

Both men and women who were rejected, compared with those who did the rejecting, experienced more depression, loss of self-esteem, and rumination. But between men and women who were both rejected after a serious relationship, men tend to suffer more emotional hardships than women.

If men were rejected (rejectees) by their girlfriends and housewives (rejectors) in serious relationships, they tend to cope very badly after breakups compared to women (rejectees). Some studies revealed that women typically report experiencing more benefits after the breakup and men report poorer adjustment (e.g.Avellar & Smock, 2005; Bevvino and Sharkin, 2003; Haugaard and Seri, 2003).

mad men cry GIF

In addition, since men tend to be more romantic and more involved in establishing and maintaining a romantic or marital relationship, they experience more frustrations compared to their female partners after a divorce or separation. To enhance their romantic union, men tend to invest more time and resources than women. This serious investment of male partners in a romantic or marital union can lead to large costs if the relationship is terminated. Breakups can be costly and emotionally devastating to men when their ladies decide to discontinue the relationships.

x-men cry GIF

Why Men Deal with Breakups More Badly than Women

1. Although they tend to have more business and social connections as well as personal friends than women in public life, men generally have less intimate friends to confide their emotional problems compared to women. In terms of quality and intimacy in personal relationships, women tend to have deeper social bonding with their peers, cliques, and friends than men. Women tend to share more of their negative emotional experiences with their inner circles of friends than men.

women GIF by buzzfeedladylike

2. Men tend to hide their emotions compared to women. In a patriarchal society, men are socialized by their parents to be strong, logical, active, and masculine in their personal ways. Sons are expected to avoid signs of femininity in dealing with problems of life.

CyclonesTV strong man GIF

Although they are trained to be strong in real life problems, they are not socialized to handle well emotional problems such as divorce or serious breakups in romantic relationships. Thus, when their girlfriends and wives decide to end the relationship, they usually experience strong depression, loneliness, and imbalance in their daily routine. Men’s main confidante in romantic and marital relationships are usually their female partners. Thus, if the latter would divorce and reject them, the separation and emotional hurt are indeed very painful to them. In this case, many would resort to palliatives such as using drugs and alcoholism just to forget the past and minimize the emotional suffering.

charlie sheen drinking GIF

3. Men do not often express negative emotions compared to women (e.g., Burke et al., 1976; Levenson et al., 1994). Some studies have shown that there are gender differences in the stressful reactions to coping with negative daily life events and that women are more likely to use negative emotion-related coping strategies such as cognitive rumination and seeking emotional support than men (Matud, 2004; Tamres et al., 2002).

chatting african american GIF

Conclusion

In sum, it is true that men, especially the breadwinners, can easily cope well after a divorce or separation than women in the economic realm. But in the area of emotional and psychological adjustments, men tend to suffer more emotional pain and trauma and recover badly after a breakup compared to women. The socialization process or social upbringing of men in society that emphasizes reason, achievement, suppression of negative emotions, and focus on economic and social pursuits, rather than on fulfilling emotional needs for males, is a major contributory factor on why men tend to have less intimate friends and tend to be inhibited to share their emotional problems after a breakup.

Thank you for reading this post. Feel free to like, comment, or share it with your friends and followers. Cheers and best wishes!

GIF Credits: Giphy.com

References

Avellar, S., and Smock, P.J. (2005). The economic consequences of the dissolution of cohabiting unions. Journal of Marriage and Family, 67, 315327.

Bevvino, D.L., and Sharkin, B.S. (2003). Divorce adjustment as a function of finding meaning and gender differences. Journal of Divorce and Remarriage, 39, 8197.

Burke, R. J., Weir, T., & Harrison, D. (1976). Disclosure of problems and tensions experienced by marital partners. Psychological Reports, 38, 531–542.

Haugaard, J.J., and Seri, L.G. (2003). Stalking and other forms of intrusive contact after the dissolution of adolescent dating or romantic relationships. Violence and Victims, 18, 279297.

Levenson, R. W., Carstensen, L. L., & Gottman, J. M. (1994). The influence of age and gender on affect, physiology, and their interrelations: A study of long-term marriages. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 67, 56–68.

Matud, M. P. (2004). Gender differences in stress and coping styles. Personality and Individual Differences, 37, 1401-1415.

Perriloux, C and Buss, D. (2008). Breaking up Romantic Relationships: Costs Experienced and Coping Strategies Deployed. Evolutionary Psychology. 

Tamres, L. K., Janicki, D., & Helgeson, V. S. (2002). Sex differences in coping behavior: A meta-analytic review and an examination of relative coping. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 6, 2-30.

7 Top Signs Your Husband is Cheating in Your Marriage

real housewives of orange county divorce GIF

1. He is often angry, critical and even at times cruel.

angry the office GIF

One study showed that 70% of those surveyed reported this sign often coupled with emotional and verbal abuse, constant put downs and little to no patience. One woman reported that at the worst point he was more than disrespectful. He was just plain rude, impatient, angry and aggressive. He was constantly picking fights and refused to help out in the home or with our children. He always complain even in trivial things.

2. He becomes emotionally distant, withdrawn or depressed.

angry jim carrey GIF

Most of those who had been cheated on reported this type of behavior. The husband becomes became self-absorbed and living as if he was single with his own agenda and plans. He became more and more disinterested in his wife, as well as in his family, friends, and daily needs.

3. He complains that he is being controlled, and yet he is guilty of controlling his wife.

angry face GIF by Kim's Convenience

A husband who often tells his wife that he needs space and don’t want to be bothered can be a sign that his mind is preoccupied with something. Just like any person who is in love, your husband is probably daydreaming about his new crush and may also be thinking how to maintain his extramarital affairs without being discovered by you, his wife.

4. He often comes home late or absent due to work: He increases his working hours, after work meetings, business trips, and out of town trips.

late people GIF

If the husband often extends his working hours or spends business trips in prolonged period of time which he does not normally do, then he is probably seeing somebody in a romantic interlude.

5. He is paying extra close attention to his appearance.

happy days hair GIF

A husband who is extra conscious about his looks is a sign that he is falling in love with another woman. If he is buying new clothes, losing weight, extra primping, working out at the gym and other sudden fitness endeavors, then he is making himself adorable to another person and to you, his wife.

6. He becomes inappropriately defensive when asked question about his whereabouts or his changed of appearance and behavior.

not fair john oliver GIF

If your husband is not hiding something, he can be spontaneous in his answers to your queries. But if he is cheating, he would always do his best to keep his secret and infidelity. He would always make excuses on why he changed his appearance, behavior, and whereabouts.

7. He becomes overly conscious for his need for ‘privateness’ and staying up late at night to work on the computer.

facebook posts GIF

If your husband is hiding an extramarital affairs, he would always insist privacy in some things that he is doing at home that is related to his infidelity. If he uses his computer or smart phones, he would always put passwords or open his messages alone. He would easily become irritated if you would intrude into his own private space and see what he is doing with his gadgets.

Concluding Words

secret latoya jackson GIF

Seeing all or some of these signs in your husband is not a guarantee that your husband is indeed unfaithful. These are just signs that need to be verified. They are only some common indicators that point to infidelity in marriage. Your husband would not normally exhibit a sudden change of behavior and attitude towards you as wife and your children if he is not distracted by an affair with another woman.

true detective mel GIF

These alerts must, however, be validated by concrete proof or evidence. Hiring a detective to investigate can be an option. As a wife you must first do a scientific research if you notice some of these signs in your husband before jumping into the conclusion that his having an affair with another person. Remember that marriage is a lifetime commitment that needs to be negotiated “til death do us part”. The welfare of your children must be your top priority in case your husband is indeed unfaithful. Think and pray before you decide to divorce him and remember what Christ said:

Image result for let no man separate what God has united christ

Photo Source: 316quotes.com

GIF Credits: Giphy.com

Reference

Bercht, A. (n.d. ). “10 Signs of Infidelity.” Retrieved from https://beyondaffairs.com/suspicion-confrontation/signs-of-infidelity/.

Thank you for reading this post. Subscribe or follow this blog for more updates.

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7 Top Signs Your Husband is Cheating in Your Marriage

real housewives of orange county divorce GIF

1. He is often angry, critical and even at times cruel.

angry the office GIF

One study showed that 70% of those surveyed reported this sign often coupled with emotional and verbal abuse, constant put downs and little to no patience. One woman reported that at the worst point he was more than disrespectful. He was just plain rude, impatient, angry and aggressive. He was constantly picking fights and refused to help out in the home or with our children. He always complain even in trivial things.

2. He becomes emotionally distant, withdrawn or depressed.

angry jim carrey GIF

Most of those who had been cheated on reported this type of behavior. The husband becomes became self-absorbed and living as if he was single with his own agenda and plans. He became more and more disinterested in his wife, as well as in his family, friends, and daily needs.

3. He complains that he is being controlled, and yet he is guilty of controlling his wife.

angry face GIF by Kim's Convenience

A husband who often tells his wife that he needs space and don’t want to be bothered can be a sign that his mind is preoccupied with something. Just like any person who is in love, your husband is probably daydreaming about his new crush and may also be thinking how to maintain his extramarital affairs without being discovered by you, his wife.

4. He often comes home late or absent due to work: He increases his working hours, after work meetings, business trips, and out of town trips.

late people GIF

If the husband often extends his working hours or spends business trips in prolonged period of time which he does not normally do, then he is probably seeing somebody in a romantic interlude.

5. He is paying extra close attention to his appearance.

happy days hair GIF

A husband who is extra conscious about his looks is a sign that he is falling in love with another woman. If he is buying new clothes, losing weight, extra primping, working out at the gym and other sudden fitness endeavors, then he is making himself adorable to another person and to you, his wife.

6. He becomes inappropriately defensive when asked question about his whereabouts or his changed of appearance and behavior.

not fair john oliver GIF

If your husband is not hiding something, he can be spontaneous in his answers to your queries. But if he is cheating, he would always do his best to keep his secret and infidelity. He would always make excuses on why he changed his appearance, behavior, and whereabouts.

7. He becomes overly conscious for his need for ‘privateness’ and staying up late at night to work on the computer.

facebook posts GIF

If your husband is hiding an extramarital affairs, he would always insist privacy in some things that he is doing at home that is related to his infidelity. If he uses his computer or smart phones, he would always put passwords or open his messages alone. He would easily become irritated if you would intrude into his own private space and see what he is doing with his gadgets.

Concluding Words

secret latoya jackson GIF

Seeing all or some of these signs in your husband is not a guarantee that your husband is indeed unfaithful. These are just signs that need to be verified. They are only some common indicators that point to infidelity in marriage. Your husband would not normally exhibit a sudden change of behavior and attitude towards you as wife and your children if he is not distracted by an affair with another woman.

true detective mel GIF

These alerts must, however, be validated by concrete proof or evidence. Hiring a detective to investigate can be an option. As a wife you must first do a scientific research if you notice some of these signs in your husband before jumping into the conclusion that his having an affair with another person. Remember that marriage is a lifetime commitment that needs to be negotiated “til death do us part”. The welfare of your children must be your top priority in case your husband is indeed unfaithful. Think and pray before you decide to divorce him and remember what Christ said:

Image result for let no man separate what God has united christ

Photo Source: 316quotes.com

GIF Credits: Giphy.com

Reference

Bercht, A. (n.d. ). “10 Signs of Infidelity.” Retrieved from https://beyondaffairs.com/suspicion-confrontation/signs-of-infidelity/.

Thank you for reading this post. Subscribe or follow this blog for more updates.

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4 Top Areas that Married Couples Argue

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Photo Credit: MoteOo at Pixabay.com

Marriage is always inter-cultural. Two individuals who decide to tie the knot in marriage know that each one of them come from a different cultural orientation. Culture is a way of life of a group of people living in a particular locality. Every individual has distinct cultural orientation with regard to beliefs, values, attitudes, practices, and worldviews. Thus when two persons decide to stay together for life in marriage, it is expected that various personal conflicts and differences will arise during the union. Marriage is not only a “bed of roses”, but also a “bed of thorns” that requires daily and lifelong adjustment and negotiation between the husband and the wife to continue the marital commitment until  “death do us part.”

A study by Buss et al. (1990) revealed that cultural differences play an important role  in marital conflict. Research shows that the top 4 sources of conflict and disagreement between married couples are those related to sexual activity, finances, division of labor, and raising of children in the family. According to many research, these 4 areas of marital conflicts are often significantly related to almost all cases of marital problems:

1. Sexual Activity

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Photo Credit: Prawny at Pixabay.com

Conflicts in sexual activity during marriage occur over initiation of sexual activity, with the female often rejecting male overtures. Males may be more eager for sex with their partner in order to reduce the risk of her impregnation by a rival, or as a side effect of a low threshold for sex in order to maximize fertilization of additional females.

Sexual coercion by any spouse in marital life constitutes another, possibly related source of conflict, usually with the male coercing the female (e.g. Miller, 2000).  One study revealed that conflict in sexual activity in marriage has also been observed to occur over suspected or acknowledged infidelity, and over mate guarding, or jealousy. (Dillion et al., 2014).

2. Money Matters

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Photo Credit: LillyCantibile at Pixabay.com

Money matters or financial management is also a major area that causes conflict in marriage and can lead to divorce or separation if not handled properly by the couple.

Some researchers have observed that finances on marriage often increase marital conflict and the chance of divorce rises when wives’ income rises (Rogers & DeBoer, 2001). Dew, Britt, and Huston (2012) also found that marital conflict involving finances was the strongest predictor of divorce. Individuals in a family may feel disadvantaged if they do not get to spend as much money as they would like or if the person feels that someone else in the family gets to spend more than they do.

Other researcher indicated that women report that arguments about money last longer and reoccurred more often and husbands report more angry behavior regarding this topic. Disagreements over money are more likely to be handled the wrong way and be unresolved in marital relationships (Papp, Cummings, & Corke-Morey, 2009).

A study by Rogers and DeBoer (2001) revealed that women are happier with their marriage when their income increases, but men are not affected by their wives’ income increase. An increase in income for women is thought to reduce the chance of divorce since an increase of income promotes marital happiness for women.

3. Division of Labor in the Family

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The third major source of marital conflict is the division and distribution of labor in the family. The traditional gender always assign the housekeeping chores and child rearing to the wife, while the breadwining role is assigned to the husband.

One study revealed that the distribution of household chores can be a source of conflict for married people and can also be linked to gender inequality (Faulkner, Davey, & Davey, 2005). In our world today, less than 50% of women do not pursue careers in the workplace. But wives who have jobs outside of the home can increase martial conflict as women’s responsibilities include more than just taking care of the home and children (Faulkner, Davey, & Davey, 2005). Although  wives working outside of the home can help improve the couple’s financial situation, it can also increase the wives’ awareness of the problems in a marriage (Amato, 2010). In this case, working wives are pressured to perform the dual roles of doing housekeeping and earning extra income for the family outside the home. This unequal distribution of labor in the family is a major cause of conflict and divorce.

4. Raising Children

family-3036595_640

Photo credit: mohamed_hassan at Pixabay.com

Raising the children in the family is also a main source of conflict between the husband and the wife. Conflict may arise over the number and spacing of children in some cultures (Mason and Taj, 1987) but not in others (Mason and Smith, 2000). When spouses do disagree on family planning, husbands usually desire more children than wives, consistent with women providing more childcare.

One study revealed that U.S. wives and husbands’ lack of relatives to assist them in marital conflict with regard to children can makes family life difficult because there is an extended family nearby to offer assistance.

Final Words

 

A relationship with high levels of satisfaction can still end in dissolution if the partners are not committed to their relationship. Couples can still maintain their marital commitment despite various disagreements if they strive to keep the relationship going no matter what circumstances arise. In sociology, marriage is an ongoing negotiation between two people to keep their marital commitment. The success or continuity of the marriage would then depend on the willingness of the husband and wife to dialogue and and accept each other despite their personal and cultural differences. As the song goes,  “I love you because you’re you!” Each spouse must not surrender just because of irreconcilable differences. Conflicts must be seen as a challenge to actualize the marital vows to remain married “until death do us part.”

References

Amato, P. R. (2010). Research on divorce: Continuing trends and new developments.
Journal of Marriage and Family, 72, 650-666.

Faulkner, R. A., Davey, M., & Davey, A. (2005). Gender-related predictors of change in
marital satisfaction and marital conflict. The American Journal of Family
Therapy, 33, 61-83.

Lisa M. Dillon, L.M. et al (2015). Sources of Marital Conflict in Five Cultures. Evolutionary Psychology. https://doi.org/10.1177/147470491501300101.
Hamilton, K.A. (2013). The Effects of Marital Conflict and Marital Environment on Change in Marital Status. Thesis. UKnowledge.University of Kentucky. Retrieved fromhttps://uknowledge.uky.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1008&context=hes_etds.
Papp, L. M., Cummings, E. M., & Goeke-Morey, M. C. (2009). For richer, for poorer:
Money as a topic of marital conflict in the home. Family Relations, 58, 91-103.
Rogers, S. J. & DeBoer, D. D. (2001). Changes in wives’ income: Effects on marital
happiness, psychological well-being, and the risk of divorce. Journal of Marriage
and Family, 63, 458-472.
Rusbult, C. E. & Buunk, B. P. (1993). Commitment processes in close relationships: An
interdependent analysis. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 10, 175-
204.