Women Take Note: Top 5 Attitudes that Turn Off Men

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Many women may not be aware that there are things that turn off men. Of course, this can be cultural. It depends on the type of social expectations and gender roles between sexes in a particular culture. But those who reside in urban centers with middle-class orientation, the following attitudes and behaviors can generally turn off men:

1. Nagging

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One of the top-most turn-offs for guys is the distressing and nagging attitude of women. Generally, what guys don’t like is the on-going complaints and issues raised by them. When you start finding faults in your guy and rise issues in everything he does, he will eventually get frustrated by you and the relationship (slism.com).

2. Bad Hygiene

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Bad hygiene is among the top turn-offs for guys. Guys dislike bad hygiene. They avoid the company of women with a bad aroma. If you don’t clean your body, hair, and skin properly, then for sure you are turning your guy off with your unbearable odor. Always remember that guys crave for fresh breath and a sweet smell of skin and clear hair (slism.com).

3. Too Much Talking

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An excessive and never-ending talking also turn a guy off. No doubt, guys love to listen, but they hate when all they have to do is to listen all the time. This creates an imbalance in conversation when a guy is not given enough time to make his talking. A talkative lady is considered egoistic by her guy. And if she keeps on repeating this kind of conversational attitude, her guy will surely draw away sooner (slism.com).

4. Excessive Obsession

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Infatuation is another feminine trait that is found to be as critical as above mentioned turn-offs. Normally, girls think that what turns men off is the hesitation of women in moving ahead with them. However, they do not realize that men also hate when girls get obsessed with them and demand for suddenly living together under the same roof and getting married. Every guy likes attention and progress in the relationship, but with a gradual pace. But when girls are infatuated beyond the limit, the guys get eventually frightened away (slism).

5. Discussing Ex-Boyfriends

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One of the biggest turn-offs for guys is undoubtedly discussing your ex-boyfriend stories and personality with your present guy. It totally shocks him when he finds you still discussing your past relationships in front of him. This will make him think that either your current relationship has got flaws, or you are unable to get the ex-guy out of your mind. This will totally deteriorate your relation with your guy (slism.com).

Reference

Slism.com (n.d.). 12 Surprising turn Offs for guys That Most Girls Know Nothing About. Retrieved from https://slism.com/girlstalk/12-surprising-turn-offs-for-guys-that-most-girls-know-nothing-about.html

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6 Top Signs a Guy Isn’t Interested in You Anymore

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1. He Stops Texting or Calling You.

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If your boyfriend stops calling or texting you regularly the way he used to do, then his interest in your relationship has gone cold. A guy who truly loves you will always find ways to contact you no matter how busy he is with his job or work.

2. He Flirts with Other Women In Front Of You

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Flirting with other women in front of you is a sure sign that he has lost interest in you, or he is indeed a playboy who is incapable of bringing you to the altar. Why would he flirt with other women if he is really serious in your relationship and intending to marry you in the future?

3. His Body Language Changes Around You

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“When a guy likes you, he might not say so directly, but his body language will. He’ll lean towards you to build intimacy, face his body towards you in group situations, and find reasons to touch your shoulder or arm (like when he makes you laugh)” (Bastion).

If your boyfriend is no longer as sweet and caring as he used to be, then he probably lost his interest in you. It’s a sign that you need to move on and find another suitable partner.

4. He Doesn’t Pay Attention Like He Used To

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Romantic relationships call for intimacy and mutual care on a regular basis. This entails every partner to provide special attention to your loved one. If your boyfriend is no longer giving you the special attention he used to give you when you started the relationship, then it’s a sign that he is no longer interested in you. Watch out for inconsistencies of what he says and what he does. If he says that “I will never, ever love somebody more than I love you” but starts to take you for granted, then it’s time to find another guy until you’ll find your match and get engaged.

5. You Always Have To Text And Call Him First

You will know that your man is no longer interested in you always have to text and call him instead he taking the initiative to contact you. In this case, he may be busy with other things or maybe having other relationships with other girls. A guy who is truly in love with you would make sure to contact you no matter how busy he is! A change in pattern in your communication is the biggest sign that he is gradually abandoning you!

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6. He Doesn’t Get Jealous If You Mention Seeing Someone

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Jealousy is not always a negative reaction. Being jealous can be just a way to guard the exclusive relationship from intruders. If your boyfriend is jealous when you mention that you’re seeing someone is just a normal reaction and a precaution for him that you might get tempted to entertain other relationship. A Romantic relationship is basically dyad or pair with 2 people falling in love, not triad or any form of polygamous union. So, if your guy is not jealous even if you mentioned the positive traits of the person you met, then this can be a sign that he doesn’t care because he loses interest in your relationship.

GIF Credits: Giphy.com

Reference

Bastion, N. (n.d.). “The Top 10 Signs a Guy Ins’t Interested in You Anymore”. Retrieved http://www.vixendaily.com/love/top-10-signs-a-guy-isnt-interested-in-you-anymore/

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My List of Top Dads: Happy Father’s Day

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Each one of us has a list of heroes and great dads in history. They can be local and/or global figures. Of course, our own dads are part of this list. But dads do not necessarily mean males. Fatherhood is a social construct and role assigned by society to persons with families.
In matriarchal societies like the Nuer tribe in Africa, the father is a female. Women in this society possess political power and act as the head of the household. There is also a growing number of single parents in highly urbanized societies. So, the “father” of this type of family is  the “mother” or the single female parent, just as a male single parent acts as a “mother” in the absence of a wife. Single parents perform the dual roles of being the mother and the father of the household. In some instances, gays, lesbians, transgenders, or members of the LGBT community also act as “fathers” if they adopted some children. So, fatherhood is not a role monopolized by males in society. Any one can perform this task as long as the person is morally fit.
Moreover, fatherhood is not only biological in nature, but also spiritual. It is a relative term  which can mean different things to people with different cultural orientation. Thus, some people can act as “spiritual” dads in the sense that they provide some personal advice and spiritual guidance to certain people. Thus, priests and religious can also perform paternal roles to their flock and community of believers.
Below is a list of some great dads of our times and their heroic deeds to their children. The first two dads in the list are heroic fathers who saved their children. The last two dads are my spiritual and biological dads. The best of all dads for me is, of course, the last one in the list–my own father, Rosendo Ballano, Sr. I owed a lot from him what I am today. He is the greatest dad that God has given me in this life.
1. A Dad who gave his son a liver transplant.
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“Brittany Munn, who lives in upstate New York, knew his son was sick from the time he was born, but doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong at first. They eventually discovered Caleb had the rare and serious biliary atresia, and said he needed a liver transplant if he was to survive past the age of 2” (Begley, 2015).

“Luckily, his father was a perfect match. As soon as Brian Munn found out he could donate part of his liver to make his son healthy, he jumped at the opportunity. Father and son now have matching scars from their March 2015 surgeries, and Caleb will continue to require treatment. But for now, he is much healthier, and his dad is glad he could do what was needed to help” (Begley, 2015).

2. The dad whose first aid training saved his own son.
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“When Ray Adams got CPR training, he didn’t expect to have to use it the same day—and on his own son. Shortly after receiving the CPR training, the youth football coach was watching his 11-year-old son RayShawn play in a scrimmage in Hartford, Conn. in August 2014, when RayShawn was knocked over and seemed to be struggling to breathe. Adams started performing chest compressions and blowing into his son’s mouth, until RayShawn gasped in air and began breathing again. Adams now says he hopes all coaches get the same training to be able to step in when tragedy strikes” (Begley, 2015).

 

3. The Dad that taught his “spiritual” son how to pray and meditate.

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This spiritual is my spiritual director when I was still a seminarian at San Jose major Seminary in Ateneo de Manila campus. Fr. Thomas H. Green, S.J. is my spiritual father who me helped a lot in my spiritual journey. Fr. Green is a great spiritual director and  a best-selling author of  spiritual books.

During the lowest moments of my life, adjusting to lay life after my seminary formation, he was always there to guide me. Unfortunately, the last time I saw him was during his wake. And do you know how I felt when I last saw him inside the coffin? I felt peace, serenity,  and joy as I saw his face for the last time. Really, it was an extraordinary feeling and encounter with him at San Jose Seminary chapel! I really felt that I was seeing a saint who was just sleeping!

4. The Dad that taught his son to be celebrate life, be generous and fair to all.

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This is my deceased dad, Rosendo “Endo” Ballano, Sr.! Although he had his own personal weaknesses, I always remember 3 important life lessons from him: Celebrate life, Be generous to people who need help, and be sensitive to injustices in the social environment.

I always remember that whenever I received a First Honor or being top of my class in grade school, he would always celebrate it with a feast, with lechon or roasted pig in the beach. He was also the first person to admire my accomplishments. I also can’t forget my father’s generosity to his children and to people who need help from him. Although he is not rich and a highly-educated person, he would always find ways to help people in his own little ways. I would imagine that If he were a rich person, he would had been a great philanthropist!

Finally, I inherited from him my strong sense of justice for the poor, my sympathy to those who are oppressed by an unjust system. I remember being elected as the President of a Faculty Club in one Catholic university. I was surprised how I was like my father who is sensitive to the injustices for the less fortunate. In a conservative Catholic school setting, I was able to lobby reforms and express my co-faculty and co-employees’ desire for more benefits from the institution to the religious administrators. I was also able to initiate some reforms for the good of the workers. My dad could have done this if he were in my place. I am indeed like my dad in this regard. We, his children, are indeed grateful to our Lord Jesus Christ for giving us “Tatay Endo” as our father!

Happy Father’s Day to all dads out there!

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GIF Credits: Giphy.com

References

Begley, S. (15 June 2015 ). 5 Hero Dads Worth Celebrating This Father’s Day. Time Magazine. Retrieved from http://time.com/3919243/fathers-day-hero-dads/.

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Top Myths on the Role of Women in Courtship

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Introduction

Do women court men? Are women active in the process of courtship?

It is widely believed in urban societies that women are more romantic than men and that they do not initiate the process of courtship. It is assumed by many that men must always initiate courtship. The women are expected to just wait for male initiatives and passively choose whose seductions and proposals from their suitors they would accept to become their boyfriends. Since women tend to read novels and romantic stories, it is also assumed that they are more romantic and that they would suffer more than men in dealing with separations or break-ups.

It is generally perceived as a cultural taboo for women to court men. Women would appear “cheap” or “easy to get” if they make the first move in expressing their feelings towards men they fall in love with. Thus one may ask: Do women really court men? Are women more romantic than men and would suffer more hardships after a serious break-up?

Let us examine the following top myths or falsehoods on women and courtship. I hope you will this post helpful in your social life.

Myth No. 1

Women are passive in courtship. Men should make the first move and the women only respond to it.

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Fact:

Both women and men are active in courtship, albeit in different roles. The most common pattern is that women court men indirectly through nonverbal signs, while men court women directly through verbal contact.

Many people believe that women do not play an active role in courtship. Women are said to just wait for men to do the first move to court them. In patriarchal societies, it is always thought that men must initiate the courtship and control the entire process of establishing a romantic relationship. But some studies have shown that women are actually active in the courtship process (e.g. Moore & Butler, 1989; Grammer, 1989).

Although women do not  generally initiate verbal acts or explicitly express their affection for specific men, they nevertheless initiate the courtship process by first manifesting nonverbal signs of infatuation such as occasional glancing, dropping a handkerchief, being extra sweet, etc., hinting that they are interested or want to be pursued or courted. If men find these signs of interest by women worth pursuing, they usually would respond through verbal contact. Therefore both men and women are active in courtship. Courtship is not a one-way traffic. The women generally initiate the courtship process by showing signs of affection to the men that they fall in love with. Men generally respond to these signs through verbal moves to start the romantic relationship.

Research studies often point to the seductive eye contact as the most common nonverbal strategy used by women  to woo their men.

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Of course, there are always exceptions. There are men who show nonverbal signs to women in order to show that they are attracted to them. But the most common pattern in courtship seems to be that the women provide the motive or nonverbal signs that they can be courted by certain men. In turn, men respond to these signs by verbal contact to complete the process of wooing.

Myth No. 2

Men are always aggressive in courting women even without signs of interest.

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Fact:

Men are generally hesitant to court women without nonverbal signs of attraction from them. Their first move is usually contingent to women’s interest towards them.

Many people think that men can just court any woman they are attracted to even without any signs of  seduction. But research studies show a different picture! Men tend to be hesitant to approach and court women without some form of seduction or nonverbal signals of attraction. These signals seem to be very important because males are generally hesitant to approach a female in the absence of indications of interest (Crook, 1972).

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The very frequency of approaches by males appears to be highly correlated to the frequency of a female’s nonverbal solicitation (Moore & Butler, 1989). Thus, in response to these signals males often make the first overt move.

Males usually say they’d use seduction more frequently than females and they erroneously conclude that they started the interaction (Grammer, 1989). But the male seductions appear to be contingent on the female’s initiating behaviors. They do not seduce women if they feel that the latter are not interested. Despite the sensitivity to the females’ subtle signals, men still process these signals in a largely sub-conscious way and would only initiate verbal moves if they are certain that women have special interest towards them.

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Myth No. 3

Women are more romantic than men in courtship.

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Fact:

Although women tend to read romantic novels and stories, studies show that men are actually more romantic than women in their outlook on love and invest more in building up the relationship.

Since most romance novels and romantic comedies are marketed to female audiences, women are generally considered more romantic than men. But one study that adopted the much-used Romantic Beliefs Scale indicated men have more romantic beliefs than women. It asked the respondents to rate the extent to which they agree with statements like, “There will only be one real love for me,” and, “If I love someone, I know I can make the relationship work, despite any obstacles.” The results showed that men typically outscore women on romantic beliefs.

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Moreover, men are more likely than women to believe in the romantic notion of “love at first sight.” They are also more likely to invest more time and resources in building up their romantic relationship. In one research, men tend to spend more money for Valentine’s day than women. Sending a Valentine’s card is said to be sufficient for women. But men would go an extra mile to show their romantic affection for their partners by buying flowers, providing chocolates, arranging a candlelit dinner at a restaurant, booking a weekend away, buying theater tickets and splashing out on champagne or jewellery. This is a finding of a survey of around 2,000 men and women done by the researchers Consumer Intelligence for Valentine’s Day.

Myth No. 4

Women suffer more than men in serious romantic break-ups because  of their emotional sensitivity.

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Fact:

Research studies show that since men have fewer friends to share their personal problems compared to women,  they are more likely to suffer more heartaches than women following a breakup of a romantic relationship.

Many research studies show that women are more emotional than men. Thus, women are stereotyped as experiencing more anxiety, guilt, sadness, and anger following relational dissolution than men.

Surprisingly, there are also other studies that show that women are more responsible when deciding to end the relationship. They tend to play the role of breakup initiator more often than do men. They become conscious of relational problems sooner than men do, which allows them time to prepare for the breakup and consequently leave men surprised by the revelation.

Men tend to be more vulnerable, shocked, or upset after romantic separations. A study by Shimek and Bello (2014) revealed that men handle the ending of a romantic relationship worse than women. They also have stronger feelings of sadness, depression, and loneliness compared to women.

Men have fewer individuals they can rely on and turn to for some support after a romantic break-up. They become emotionally devastated after a separation because their primary confidant was their now absent partner. A research by Day and Livingstone (2003) indicated that women are more likely to confide in others about their romantic problems, while men are more independent and often refrain from expressing their emotions to their friends.

Thank you for reading this post! Please comment, like, or share this post to help others. Cheers and best wishes!

 Photo credit: Pexels.com free photos

References

Arla L. Day, and Holly A. Livingstone. “Gender differences in perceptions of stressors and utilization of social support among university students.” Canadian Journal of Behavioural Science 35 (2003): 73–83.

Sally A. Shumaker, and D. Robin Hill. “Gender differences in social support and physical health.” Health Psychology 10 (1991): 102–11.

Shimek, C. & Bello, R. (2014). Coping with Break-Ups: Rebound Relationships and Gender Socialization. Soc. Sci. 2014, 3(1), 24-43.

The Telegraph. “It’s official: men are more romantic than women”. Retrieved from https://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/online-dating/9860958/Its-official-men-are-more-romantic-than-women.html.

Seidman, G. (1 Oct 2014). “6 Myths About Men, Women, and Relationships”. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/close-encounters/201409/6-myths-about-men-women-and-relationships.