Why Men Suffer More Badly than Women after Breakups

sad low kii savage GIF by Kiiara

Many assume that women would suffer more trauma than men after an ending of a serious relationship. This conclusion may be true in the economic realm, especially if the female partners or wives are dependent on their boyfriends and husbands for support. But in the emotional or psychological realm, the case may be different. Women tend to perform well in coping with the emotional pains after a breakup in a relationship compared to men!

A study by Perilloux and Buss (2008) indicated that knowing who among the men and women would suffer more pain in coping with a breakup would depend on who are the rejectors and rejectees.

Animated GIF

Both men and women who were rejected, compared with those who did the rejecting, experienced more depression, loss of self-esteem, and rumination. But between men and women who were both rejected after a serious relationship, men tend to suffer more emotional hardships than women.

If men were rejected (rejectees) by their girlfriends and housewives (rejectors) in serious relationships, they tend to cope very badly after breakups compared to women (rejectees). Some studies revealed that women typically report experiencing more benefits after the breakup and men report poorer adjustment (e.g.Avellar & Smock, 2005; Bevvino and Sharkin, 2003; Haugaard and Seri, 2003).

mad men cry GIF

In addition, since men tend to be more romantic and more involved in establishing and maintaining a romantic or marital relationship, they experience more frustrations compared to their female partners after a divorce or separation. To enhance their romantic union, men tend to invest more time and resources than women. This serious investment of male partners in a romantic or marital union can lead to large costs if the relationship is terminated. Breakups can be costly and emotionally devastating to men when their ladies decide to discontinue the relationships.

x-men cry GIF

Why Men Deal with Breakups More Badly than Women

1. Although they tend to have more business and social connections as well as personal friends than women in public life, men generally have less intimate friends to confide their emotional problems compared to women. In terms of quality and intimacy in personal relationships, women tend to have deeper social bonding with their peers, cliques, and friends than men. Women tend to share more of their negative emotional experiences with their inner circles of friends than men.

women GIF by buzzfeedladylike

2. Men tend to hide their emotions compared to women. In a patriarchal society, men are socialized by their parents to be strong, logical, active, and masculine in their personal ways. Sons are expected to avoid signs of femininity in dealing with problems of life.

CyclonesTV strong man GIF

Although they are trained to be strong in real life problems, they are not socialized to handle well emotional problems such as divorce or serious breakups in romantic relationships. Thus, when their girlfriends and wives decide to end the relationship, they usually experience strong depression, loneliness, and imbalance in their daily routine. Men’s main confidante in romantic and marital relationships are usually their female partners. Thus, if the latter would divorce and reject them, the separation and emotional hurt are indeed very painful to them. In this case, many would resort to palliatives such as using drugs and alcoholism just to forget the past and minimize the emotional suffering.

charlie sheen drinking GIF

3. Men do not often express negative emotions compared to women (e.g., Burke et al., 1976; Levenson et al., 1994). Some studies have shown that there are gender differences in the stressful reactions to coping with negative daily life events and that women are more likely to use negative emotion-related coping strategies such as cognitive rumination and seeking emotional support than men (Matud, 2004; Tamres et al., 2002).

chatting african american GIF

Conclusion

In sum, it is true that men, especially the breadwinners, can easily cope well after a divorce or separation than women in the economic realm. But in the area of emotional and psychological adjustments, men tend to suffer more emotional pain and trauma and recover badly after a breakup compared to women. The socialization process or social upbringing of men in society that emphasizes reason, achievement, suppression of negative emotions, and focus on economic and social pursuits, rather than on fulfilling emotional needs for males, is a major contributory factor on why men tend to have less intimate friends and tend to be inhibited to share their emotional problems after a breakup.

Thank you for reading this post. Feel free to like, comment, or share it with your friends and followers. Cheers and best wishes!

GIF Credits: Giphy.com

References

Avellar, S., and Smock, P.J. (2005). The economic consequences of the dissolution of cohabiting unions. Journal of Marriage and Family, 67, 315327.

Bevvino, D.L., and Sharkin, B.S. (2003). Divorce adjustment as a function of finding meaning and gender differences. Journal of Divorce and Remarriage, 39, 8197.

Burke, R. J., Weir, T., & Harrison, D. (1976). Disclosure of problems and tensions experienced by marital partners. Psychological Reports, 38, 531–542.

Haugaard, J.J., and Seri, L.G. (2003). Stalking and other forms of intrusive contact after the dissolution of adolescent dating or romantic relationships. Violence and Victims, 18, 279297.

Levenson, R. W., Carstensen, L. L., & Gottman, J. M. (1994). The influence of age and gender on affect, physiology, and their interrelations: A study of long-term marriages. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 67, 56–68.

Matud, M. P. (2004). Gender differences in stress and coping styles. Personality and Individual Differences, 37, 1401-1415.

Perriloux, C and Buss, D. (2008). Breaking up Romantic Relationships: Costs Experienced and Coping Strategies Deployed. Evolutionary Psychology. 

Tamres, L. K., Janicki, D., & Helgeson, V. S. (2002). Sex differences in coping behavior: A meta-analytic review and an examination of relative coping. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 6, 2-30.

Why does society pressure us to conform to it?*

*This post is based on my answer in Quora.com at https://www.quora.com/Why-does-society-pressure-us-to-conform-to-it/answer/Ven-Ballano.

police use GIF

Answer:

Society must achieve its goals and development plans, articulated in terms of norms, for the promotion of the common good of all its citizens. Thus it pressures people to conform to its social expectations and norms.

episode 5 book GIF

Society has formal and informal norms. The informal norms consist of customs, traditions, or folkways, while the formal norms consist of laws, the state’s official and written social norms. Norms serve important social functions in society. They guarantee social order and integration of people as well as serve as deterrence against crimes and other forms of deviance. All societies, whether primitive or state society, have norms which pressure inhabitants to conform , otherwise they face sanction and punishment by the state’s judicial system.

society GIF

Society must have some forms of coercion and pressure to force people to obey the norms and preserve social order, otherwise it would gradually disintegrate due to anarchy and crimes groups.

One must take note that society’s norms or laws by themselves do not necessarily force people to conform. For the German sociologist Max Weber, there is no law without a specialized staff or group of law enforcers who would implement the letter of the law.

super troopers police GIF

What pressures people to conform to society’s norms lies in the law enforcement system, in the psychological coercion to people’s minds that any criminal or violator who break the law will surely be punished by an efficient police force or group of enforcers.

plan b potus GIF by Obama

Every society has certain long-term and short-term goals as articulated by the government which must be obeyed by people. The goals are legislated into laws by the legislature. These goals must be achieved by the state for the attainment and protection of the common good. That’s why urban democratic society are “ruled by laws, not be men (or women).”

using war GIF

Democratic and republican societies usually invoked the police power of the state to pressure its citizens to conform to state laws. This is an inherent power of the state that can overrule individual human rights in the name of social welfare, public order, public health, and the common good.

beach ball riot police GIF

GIF Credits: Giphy.com

Thank you for reading this post. Subscribe of follow this blog via email for more updates.

8 Scary Signs Your Boyfriend is Abusive

stock-photo-woman-victim-put-to-silence-by-her-boyfriend-domestic-violence-concept-262033592

It is sometimes difficult to know the difference between when your boyfriend is having a bad day and when he is  being abusive. In one study, 57% of college students say they aren’t sure how to identify relationship abuse. Abuse can take different forms. It can be physical violence or emotional, psychological, and verbal abuse. are all forms of abuse too. Abusive people try to control you by using threats, coercion, manipulation, and other tactics.

To spot an abusive boyfriend is not an easy task, especially if the romantic relationship is still new. Usually, young men who are courting ladies would hide their negative traits and abusive tendencies to impress them with good traits. But the mask of abuse that boyfriends wear will gradually be revealed during trying moments as the relationship grows older. Signs of their abusive behavior would gradually become manifest.

Based on research, the following attitude and behavior of boyfriends are considered scary signs that they are abusive to their female partners in their romantic relationship. In this case, girlfriends are advised to leave the relationship to avoid further abuse. A healthy relationship is based on trust, respect, and true love and not on control and abuse of the other:

1. He’s domineering and self-centered.

dominic cooper preacher GIF by Amazon Prime Video UK

In a healthy relationship, one partner must not control the other. If the boyfriend is domineering and self-centered, he’s not just acting as  a “man,” but the reality is that he is establishing a power (im)balance in the relationship. He’s trying to control you, making the relationship one-sided and exploitative.

2. He shows a Lack of Respect

disrespectful GIF

If your boyfriend does not respect you as a woman and decent person during courtship and engagement, how would you expect him to do to you after your wedding day? True love is based on mutual respect.

3. He Treats You as a Sex Object

Animated GIF

If your boyfriend is only after of sex and has no plan of observing chastity before your wedding day, leave him. Some boyfriends would just disappear with other women after they treated their girlfriends as sex objects. “Love waits” as the saying goes. You will only be married once in your life. Just wait for the honeymoon after your wedding to make your love a blessing.

4. He’s in Constant Jealousy

high school facebook GIF by Five Points

Jealousy can be a sign of insecurity of your boyfriend. A real and mature man is not jealous of what others have. It’s difficult to live a partner who is constantly jealous of others. Jealously can lead to physical and emotional abuse.

5. He’s Hyper Sensitive

excited chris farley GIF

Hyper sensitivity is another sign that your boyfriend is abusive. If he is too sensitive to many things, your relationship will suffer. Leave him. Actually, women like their men to be confident, relaxed, mature, and broad-minded.

6. He threatens violence.

angry jake gyllenhaal GIF

He makes statements such as, “I’ll cut your throat,” but then dismisses it with, “I really didn’t mean it.” He may be joking, but his constant threats to you reflects his state of mind. It’s only a matter of time that he will actualize these threats to you during difficult situations.

7. He has sudden mood swings.

kanye laughing GIF

If your boyfriend is moody, he can’t be reliable and dependable. He can become unpredictable and abusive. It’s difficult to establish a stable relationship if one partner has a sudden mood swings.

8. He has a past of battering women.

abuse GIF

He admits to hitting women in the past, but states that they or the situation brought it on. In this case he has a history of abusing women. Battering can become a habit which is difficult to stop. As the relationship grows older, expect him to do to you what he had done to other women. It’s time to say goodbye to him!

GIFs Credit: GIPHY.COM

Thank you for reading this post. Sign up with our newsletter or follow this blog via email for more updates.

Has social media destroyed the very fabric of how society works?

motion graphics GIF by Matthew Butler

Digital platforms are recasting the relationships between customers, workers, and employers as the silicon chip’s reach permeates almost everything we do—from buying groceries online to finding a partner on a dating website. As computing power improves dramatically and more and more people around the world participate in the digital economy, we should think carefully about how to devise policies that will allow us to fully exploit the digital revolution’s benefits while minimizing job dislocation (Muhleisen 2015).

social media love GIF

Information and communication technology has changed rapidly over the past 20 years with a key development being the rise of social media.

social media facebook GIF

The growth of social media is part of the growing digitalization or “technologisation” of social life. Due to globalization and growth of the cyberspace, social interaction is now extended from the temporal or physical space to the cyberspace, from face-to-face interaction to digital interaction through chat, post, video chat, etc.

social media GIF by RealityTVGIFs

Has social media destroyed the very fabric of society?

jumping social media GIF

Well, it depends on one’s perspective in judging the effects of social media to society. A conflict theory would probably see the birth of the social media as the “colonization” and— yes, the destruction of the current face-to-face or personal interaction. But a functionalist perspective may see it as playing a major function of integrating and connecting people into a small social network or global village.

social media likes GIF by bubly

The social media can easily connect people from distant lands in a matter of seconds by using the Internet and online networks. This is not possible in the temporal or physical space. Moreover, the social media plays a crucial role in doing business and marketing of goods and services worldwide. Nowadays, business opportunities are done more and more in the cyberspace and social media rather than in the temporal space. Physical stores, for instance, are now gradually being replaced by the cost-efficient online stores. Hiring is also now being done online via the social media LinkedIn and other sites, rather than through the walk-in application process.

social media internet GIF by Geek & Sundry

The social media has also challenged the traditional media, such as the print, TV, and broadcast media, because of its interactive nature. Yes, the social media has radically altered the way people communicate and transact business around the globe. But has it destroyed how society works today?

despicable me minions GIF

Well, I would rather see it as expanding and improving the very fabric of society rather than destroying it. Under this process, the old practices are gradually replaced by new ones, and in this sense social media can be considered “destructive”. But in every process of social change, one can’t avoid discarding the old methods by novel ones.

social media facebook GIF

As the Bible says: “And no one pours new wine into old wineskins. Otherwise, the wine will burst the skins, and both the wine and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins” (Mark 2:22).

Reference

Muhleisen, M. (2015). The Long and Short of The Digital Revolution. Retrieved from https://www.imf.org/external/pubs/ft/fandd/2018/06/impact-of-digital-technology-on-economic-growth/muhleisen.htm.

GIF Credits: Giphy.com

Thank you for reading this post. Subscribe or follow this blog for more updates.

 

 

New Rules with the Re-Opening of Boracay Island

palm trees beach GIF

World-famous Boracay reopened on Friday six months after it was ordered closed by President Duterte for massive rehabilitation due to years of neglect, overdevelopment, and disregard for environmental laws.

The Boracay Island and its white sand beach were closed to visitors in April after President Duterte called it a “cesspool” tainted by raw sewage flowing from hotels and restaurants straight into the sea.

According to the Department of Philippine Tourism Secretary Bernadette Romulo-Puyat, the carrying capacity of Boracay should also be limited to 19,215 persons a day and 6,405 tourist arrivals a day. This will be strictly enforced after the re-opening.

The beautiful island of Boracay will be reopening for a “test run” on October 26, 2018, six months after it was closed down for partial rehabilitation. Here are some new rules about the “new” Boracay:

1. No Booking, No Entry

tired knock out GIF by Mike Williams

Tourists are now required to present their hotel booking when they get to the island. A verification booth will be set up in both Caticlan and Kalibo airports where officials will check the hotel bookings of tourists and make sure that they booked with accredited hotels. Department of Tourism has released a list of the 157 hotels that were allowed to be reopened. These hotels are those that have successfully acquired the required permits to operate on the island.

2. Easement 25 meters plus 5 meters.

No structures are allowed 25 meters away from the beach as well as the 5 meters easement in front of resorts and establishments.

beach GIF

3. Promote Green Buildings

failing british artist GIF by Rebecca Hendin

4. No Casinos

sharon stone casino GIF

The government will also ban casino operations, while all water sports save for swimming are also banned for the time being.

5. Follow Ordinances and Environment Laws

GIF by Good Behavior

Boracay now has a total of 200 new lifeguards are now ready to serve swimming guests after undergoing intensive training under the Philippine Coast Guard (PCG).

6. Only Accepts Tourists within the Island’s capacity of 19, 215 at a time or 6,405 tourists a day.

happy palm tree GIF by Alaska Airlines

7. No Big Parties

beach party GIF

8. No Smoking and Drinking

beach running GIF by Erdal Inci

No smoking and drinking in public areas. You’re still free to drink or smoke in the confines of resorts, however!

9. Ban of Open Fires and Use of Kerosene Gas/Fuel

happy beach party GIF by Malibu Rum

 

From the previous 4 to 5 meters, the whole stretch of the road is now 12 meters-wide with walkway, according to the Department of Public Works and Highways (DPWH) Secretary.

GIF Credits: Giphy.com

References

Philippine Star (24 Oct 2018). Infographic: New rules for Boracay reopening. Retrieved from https://www.philstar.com/headlines/2018/10/24/1862824/infographic-new-rules-boracay-reopening.