What is a Platonic Love?

 parksedit GIF

Web Hosting
THE NATURE OF PLATONIC LOVE

Platonic love (often lower-cased as platonic) is a term used for a type of love that is non-sexual. It is named after Plato,  although this philosopher never actually used it himself. Instead, it comes from Plato’s dialogue, the “Symposium,” which discusses the different types of Eros (love).

philosophy plato GIF

Platonic love is a bond between a couple that involves no lust or carnality; often a deep pure love. Its symbol is usually the white rose. A simple example of platonic relationships is a deep, non-sexual friendship between two heterosexual people of the opposite sexes. A platonic relationship is one without romantic or sexual intentions. It can be considered as a “romantic friendship” i.e.,  a close, physically intimate but not sexually intimate – friendship.

dwts GIF

Platonic love in its modern sense is an affectionate relationship into which the sexual element does not enter, especially in cases where one might easily assume otherwise. It is a deep, non-sexual friendship between two heterosexual people of the opposite sex. Platonic love is ‘close affection between two persons, attracted to each other, but without sexual intimacy’ [1].

francis GIF

It is a purely spiritual and emotional and presumably free from physical desire. St. Claire and St. Francis of Assisi  who are known as two great Catholic saints in the Catholic Church were said to be close friends spiritually as followers of Christ without sexual intimacy. Their type of intimacy and friendship were based on a common love for God; thus, they can be considered Platonic and not romantic. “The love between friends is platonic love. Platonic describes a relationship that is purely spiritual and not physical. So, if a guy and a girl hang out all the time but aren’t boyfriend and girlfriend, they’d describe their friendship as platonic” [2].

FROM PLATONIC LOVE AND ROMANTIC LOVE: IS THIS POSSIBLE?

colin baker flirt GIF by Doctor Who

Yes, but once platonic becomes romantic, it’s difficult to return to its original platonic state. Best friends can fall in love romantically depending on the situations and personal goals of the partners. However, platonic love has no intention of entering into an exclusive erotic relationship nor entering into marriage, while romantic love aims to achieve an exclusive relationship, with lovers “going steady” and  to “tie the know” in the altar of matrimony.

silent film flirt GIF

Despite these differences, platonic and romantic love also have similarities. Attraction, intimacy, respect, support and pleasure are just as important in platonic relationships as they are in romantic relationships. Closeness matters in romantic as well as in platonic relationships.

patrick swayze love GIF by Hollywood Suite

But whether it’s platonic or romantic, the most important thing is the love couples share for one another. In the words of Plato: “Love is the joy of the good, the wonder of the wise, the amazement of the Gods.”

GIF Credits: Giphy.com

Thank you for reading this post. Please like, share, and comment on this post. Sign up our newsletter for more updates or follow this blog via email. No spam please. Cheers and God bless!

References

[1] Gooch, 1989, p.360 cited in Karandeshev, 2015, p.4.

[2] https://www.wikihow.com/Understand-Platonic-Love-and-Friendship.

Male Physical Traits Women Find Very Attractive according to Research

sexy swimming pool GIF by Videoland

Photo credit: Pixabay.com

Web Hosting 

On Physical Traits

Romantic love often begins with physicality. People are embodied beings and communicate with the world through their bodies. In cultures where marriages are arranged, physicality is not a major problem in the selection of partners. But in urban and advanced societies with strong emphasis on romantic love and falling in love before marriage, physical looks play an important role in the selection of partners. Research has shown that it only takes between 90 seconds and 4 minutes for a person to fall in love at first sight or fancy someone. And what usually attracts the person during this moment is not what the other says, but what his or her presence projects through body language (55%) and the tone and speed of the voice (38%). The content of what the person says is only 7%.

love GIF

It’s probable that a person “falls in love for the first time” because of the physical presence of the other as resembling somebody, whether real or imagined, whom he or she idolizes or had a crush, whether a celebrity, a friend, former classmate or office mate or anybody he or she had been attracted to. The person’s wish list of an ideal romantic partner immediately become active during the first encounter and “falls in love” with somebody he or she has not been known acquainted with.

episode 9 peter GIF by The Bachelorette

Although popularly considered as “love at first sight”, experts and moralists do not generally consider this as love but infatuation and only a first step towards true love. Using biological theory, Helen Fisher of Rutgers University also considers “love at first sight” as only the first of the 3 stages of love: lust, attraction and attachment. For her, the first stage of love is only lust. This is the amazing moment when two people are driven by the sex hormones of testosterone and estrogen. In the second stage, the couple is truly love-struck and can think of little else. And in the third and attachment stage, the couple is bonded together long enough to have and raise children.

men GIF

Physical attractiveness has always been a top criteria in choosing a dating partner. Based on many research studies, the following physical traits are generally attractive to women:

1. Taller than the Female Partner

Height matters in falling in love. Women are generally attracted to men who are taller than them. Taller men have a bigger body frame, and thus, have stronger physical strength and more capable of protecting their romantic partners.

shop GIF

“A 2014 research conducted by professors at Rice University and the University of Northern Texas found out that out of around 1000 Yahoo! Personal Dating ads, nearly 50% of women claimed that they’d prefer to date a man who’s taller than they were.” Thus, height still matters. Tall men are usually attractive to women because of the popular belief that they can provide more protection to their female partners than the shorter ones. But take note that this doesn’t mean that men should be very tall to be attractive to women. This study only suggests that the male partner must be at least a little taller than the female partner and not shorter. The average height of men and women of a particular culture of countries applies here. Southeast Asian men such as Indonesians, Thais and Filipinos are generally shorter than Caucasian European or American men. So what is the average height for men in a given culture is still socially acceptable as long as male lovers are taller than their female partners. What is generally unacceptable is that the male partner is shorter than the female partner. In this case, it seems the woman is physically stronger and providing protection to her male partner which is considered as a reversal of roles; thus, culturally unacceptable.

 

But people must not make this height requirement absolute as there are couples who are happy with shorter male partners. For older people, what matters more in a relationship are intimacy, companionship, social status of the partner, and financial security rather than the height and other physical attributes of their partners. By age, the youth and young adults seem to value this requirement of height than older people.

 2. Athletic Body

 abs hunk GIF

 

 Researchers have found out of all the body shapes, women in general seem to prefer a “V-shaped” athletic body of their men. Respondents say a strong and well-defined musculature on the upper body and a narrow and slim waist. “Because body type is a reliable indicator of health and fertility, men are more attracted to women with a lower waist-to-hip (WHR) ratio and an average body mass index (BMI), neither thin nor plump, because these are associated with youth and sexual maturity.”

   3. Slower Movements

 male GIF

Researchers have found that men who have slower movements and speech are often perceived as more at ease and confident, and thus, more attractive. This particularly true in first date or where the partners are still cautious with one another. The male can give a good impression if he is slower in his verbal and nonverbal communication that allows the female partner to be at ease in the social interaction. “Stay calm and lean back in the beginning to persuade your partner that you are safe, trustworthy, and likable. Lean in and get more energetic once you’ve earned their trust, to motivate them to become excited about the prospect of seeing you again.” Slower movements can also indicate good manners, confidence, gentleness, and good breeding.

    4. Smaller Belly

male GIF

A large amount of abdominal fat can indicate lower levels of testosterone and lower sex drive and fertility. It’s absolutely no surprise that women love that washboard stomach. The ripples are the epitome of what a man is defined by. Some women didn’t necessarily require rock hard ab, but a flat stomach is important just the same.

        5. Deeper Voice

male GIF

Men with deeper voices are more likely to appear attractive or make an impression than those with higher voices. Deeper voices are generally associated with masculinity and power while higher voices are associated with femininity and weaker strength. According to a group of researchers from University College London, women perceive men with a deeper voice as a sign of a larger and stronger physicality.

       6. Symmetrical Face

jeff goldblum GIF

 

An Austrian study found out that women prefer male faces that are symmetrical with evenly spaced eyes (which are often considered a sign of good health).

       7.  With Alpha Male Features

 

frustrated brad pitt GIF

Heterosexual females tend to be physically or sexually attracted to men with traditionally masculine features such as a muscular frame, a square jaw, big nose and small yes. These physical traits often signify higher levels of testosterone, and are more common in “alpha males”, males with a set of personality traits that include directness, decisiveness, and intensity.

        8. Attractive  Eyes

 richard gere oscars 1993 GIF by The Academy Awards

Many women attracted to men’s eyes. The Eyes is the window to the person’s soul. The sincerity and character of the person can sometimes be glimpsed through the expression of his eyes. An eye movement can give a lot of clues to women with regard to the kind of men they are dating with.

Moreover, researchers speculated that human beings are naturally drawn to what’s most familiar, and eye and hair color indicates familiarity and thus induces attraction. Women are usually attracted to men whose eye color is similar with those of their father’s.

      9. Nice Butt

 twerk gif GIF

In one survey in the United Kingdom with 1000 respondents, women find the male body parts, according to rank, as the sexiest which can turn them on. Women are generally attracted to athletic men with nice butts. Some respondents wrote that they love those “half-moon” butts, while others preferred the “slightly curvaceous” ones. Men with honed hips are also attractive to women.

Despite all these attractive physical traits, true love is beyond physicality. It also includes mutual self-giving, strength of character, good personal values, and the capacity to commit one’s self to marriage.

Thank you for reading this post. Sign up with our newsletter or follow this blog for more updates.

What’s the Difference between Romantic and True Love?

i love you kiss GIF by Kelsea Ballerini

It’s not true that one’s character is shown on one’s face. If it’s angelic and beautiful, then he or she is probably Mr. or Ms. Right or one’s long-lost soul mate or destined partner in life! Social science research has shown that there is no dependable association between facial features and personality traits. A person may look meek, soft-spoken, wholesome, and with sympathetic eyes, but may turn out to be abusive, violent and indecent in real life after a long acquaintance. Thus, a person cannot immediately identify his or her right partner in life based solely on facial or physical features during the first encounter or first date despite the strong feeling of romantic attraction or “love at first sight”.

season 4 ok GIF by Saving Throw Show

      Moreover, a person who is infatuated is usually blinded with romantic passion or intense feeling of attraction for his or her partner that he or she tends to neglect knowing his or her true character and personality. Just enjoying the current bliss of falling in love without a serious effort to know the real character of one’s partner is a dangerous attitude, especially if the person intends to find his or her true love and enter into marriage.

sweet in love GIF

       Relying merely on the attractive looks of one’s partner and intense romantic feeling for him or her can be deceiving.  Many marriage counselors would say that people in love could not really know the real person or character of their partners unless they live together constantly in a conjugal home for at least five years in marriage. Knowing the real person of one’s romantic partner requires time, effort, and scientific strategies to know the real person behind the smiling and loving face!

pexels-photo-1062280.jpeg

Young people are prone to falling in love based on looks and physical appearance. But older people usually look for substance, personality, and, above-all, financial security their partners can offer in life. To avoid or minimize blunders in courtship, always remember that “Things are not what they seem!” There is more that meets the eye!

There are basically 3 kinds of love: Erotic love, which is basically sexual and physical in nature; filial love, which is a non-erotic love and based on spiritual love as bothers or sisters; and agape, the highest form of love–the self-giving love.

pexels-photo-977662.jpeg

For Christians, love is more than physical looks and personal traits. Agape is the type love Christ has done for us. Christian love is motivated for the desire to serve the Lord through one’s partner in life. It does not hesitate to sacrifice and to die for the other!

job interview

Feel free to comment or ask questions on this post. You can also ask for advice. Please follow this blog by joining my email list. Thanks!

6 Top Signs a Guy Isn’t Interested in You Anymore

boyfriend GIF

1. He Stops Texting or Calling You.

texting GIF

If your boyfriend stops calling or texting you regularly the way he used to do, then his interest in your relationship has gone cold. A guy who truly loves you will always find ways to contact you no matter how busy he is with his job or work.

2. He Flirts with Other Women In Front Of You

mad Sports bar GIF by Originals

Flirting with other women in front of you is a sure sign that he has lost interest in you, or he is indeed a playboy who is incapable of bringing you to the altar. Why would he flirt other women if he is really serious in your relationship and intending to marry you in the future.

3. His Body Language Changes Around You

tv land flirt GIF by #Impastor

“When a guy likes you, he might not say so directly, but his body language will. He’ll lean towards you to build intimacy, face his body towards you in group situations, and find reasons to touch your shoulder or arm (like when he makes you laugh)” (Bastion).

If your boyfriend is no longer as sweet and caring as he used to be, then he probably lost his interest in you. It’s a sign that you need to move on and find another suitable partner.

4. He Doesn’t Pay Attention Like He Used To

boyfriend GIF

Romantic relationships call for intimacy and mutual care on a regular basis. This entails every partner to provide special attention to your loved one. If your boyfriend is no longer giving you the special attention he used to give you when you started the relationship, then it’s a sign that he is no longer interested in you. Watch out for inconsistencies of what he says and what he does. If he says that “I will never, ever love somebody more than I love you” but starts to take you for granted, then it’s time to find another guy until you’ll find your match and get engaged.

5. You Always Have To Text And Call Him First

You will know that your man is no longer interested in you always have to text and call him instead he taking the initiative to contact you. In this case, he maybe busy with other things or maybe having other relationships with other girls. A guy who is truly in love with you would make sure to contact you no matter how busy he is! A change in pattern in your communication is a biggest sign that he is gradually abandoning you!

text oops GIF

6. He Doesn’t Get Jealous If You Mention Seeing Someone

high five rejected GIF by CBC

Jealousy is not always a negative reaction. Being jealous can be just a way to guard the exclusive relationship from intruders. If your boyfriend is jealous when you mention that you’re seeing someone is just a normal reaction, and a precaution for him that you might get tempted to entertain other relationship. Romantic relationship is basically dyad or pair with 2 people falling in love, not triad or any form of polygamous union. So, if your guy is not jealous even if you mentioned positive traits of the person you met, then this can be a sign that he doesn’t care because he loses interest in your relationship.

GIF Credits: Giphy.com

Reference

Bastion, N. (n.d.). “The Top 10 Signs a Guy Ins’t Interested in You Anymore”. Retrieved http://www.vixendaily.com/love/top-10-signs-a-guy-isnt-interested-in-you-anymore/

Thank you for reading this post. Subscribe or follow this blog via email for more updates.

Simple Obsessive Stalking and How to Handle it

abstract-1239375_640

Web Hosting

Stalking is an indication of an unhealthy love. True love does not pressure the other to reciprocate the attraction and courtship of one’s romantic feelings. People must be aware that stalking can be a manifestation of a social pathology and psychological imbalance of some individuals. Demographically, stalking is a gender-neutral crime, with both male and female perpetrators and victims, but:

  • Most stalkers are men. Best statistics indicate that 75-80% of all stalking cases involve men stalking women.
  • Most stalkers know their victims. 60% are current or former intimate partners.
  • Most tend to fall into the young to middle-aged categories.
  • Most have above-average intelligence.
  • Many stalkers are anti-social, manipulative, deceptive, obsessive-compulsive, and have a history of failed relationships.
  • Stalkers come from every walk of life and every socioeconomic background. Virtually anyone can be a stalker, just as anyone can be a stalking victim [1]

eery-1648250_640 (1)

“Stalkers can be driven by several different reasons, and most have stalked more than one person in their lifetime. Stalkers are obsessed with their victims, and this obsession is expressed in many ways. Some common reasons for this obsession include power, control, and sometimes revenge. Most stalkers don’t take responsibility for their actions and blame others for making them do what they do. Relationship violence perpetrators often stalk their victims during the course of the relationship and especially after the victim leaves the relationships” [2].

abstract-1239388_640

What is Simple Obsession Stalking?

     Simple obsession stalking “represents 70-80 percent (70-80%) of all stalking cases and is distinguished by the fact that some previous personal or romantic relationship existed between the stalker and the victim before the stalking behavior began. Virtually all relationship violence cases involving stalking fall under this rubric, as do casual dating relationships. Simple Obsession stalkers exhibit a variety of characteristics, including desire for extreme control, obsessive behavior, vengeful attitudes, an inability to handle rejection, and an assumption of little or no responsibility for their actions…

abandoned-1251616_640

     Once the victim literally becomes the stalker’s primary source of self-esteem, their greatest fear becomes the loss of this person. Their own self-worth is so closely tied to the victim that when they are deprived of that person, they may feel that their own life is without worth. It is exactly this dynamic that makes simple obsession stalkers so dangerous. In the most acute cases, such stalkers will literally stop at nothing to regain their “lost possession” –their partner– and in so doing, regain their lost self-esteem. Rejection often triggers this type of stalking.  Stalkers are the most dangerous when their victims determine to physically remove themselves from the offender’s presence on a permanent basis by leaving the relationship. Indeed, stalking cases which emerge from relationship /dating violence situations constitute the most common and potentially lethal class of stalking cases’ [3].

How to Deal with the Problem

dislike-2961955_640

If stalker manages to make contact with you, say no clearly while avoiding humiliating him. (Don’t engage in dialogue. Pick a statement and keep repeating it. For instance just say “I’m not interested, there is nothing to discuss.”)

no-1532842_640

Also, say no without any qualifiers. Stalkers interpret certain phrases or actions as “maybes” or as signs that they’re getting through to you. Do not say “I’m sorry, I’m not interested.” Never include “I’m sorry.” This is interpreted by stalkers as a sign that you have emotions for them, which they will see as a victory, or as hope of future change… so they will contact you again later!

stamp-2114884_640

To clearly establish that any further contacts are unwanted and will be in violation of your consent, tell them no in front of a witness, or as a last resort, send a succinct certified letter (or have your attorney send a letter).

Then:

* Cease all contact. Stalkers thrive on REACTION, ATTENTION, and ACKNOWLEDGEMENT. Don’t give any of this. Do not be available to him in any way. Behave as though he doesn’t exist. If you let him see you reacting to his actions, he will experience it as his personal power. Don’t do anything that suggests to him that he affects your world or that you notice his behavior. If there are certain types of contact or communication that are necessary or unavoidable (such as for divorce preparations), appoint a go-between (preferably a man) to handle all communication instead of you.

contact-us-1769323_640

* Notify friends, family, and your boss that this person is violating your right to peace and privacy, and is interfering with your personal freedoms and quality of life. Ask your peers outright if they will help you in the following manner:  Explain that they must NOT dialogue with the person in any way, regardless of any excuses the stalker may give. Then ask them to promise to notify you ASAP any time that they see or have contact with this person.

* Evaluate your mail delivery. If there’s any way for him to access your mail, start having it delivered elsewhere.

* Collect information about anti-stalking laws in your state.  Figure out what steps you will need to get him arrested on a stalking charge, and follow those steps.  When you have enough documentation you can get a Restraining Order (Personal Protection Order).  These don’t really stop the stalking; their purpose is more so that you can get a good arrest report and court time when they violate the Order…. [4].

Photo Credit: Pixabay.com

References

[1] https://safeconnections.org/who-are-stalkers/

[2] http://www.wgac.colostate.edu/types-of-stalkers

[3] Ibid.

[4] http://www.lilaclane.com/relationships/stalking/

Thank you for reading this post. Feel free to comment, like, or share it. Sign up or follow this blog via email for more updates.