Separation from a romantic and marital relationship is a fact of life, especially when lovers or spouses refuse to negotiate to continue their partnership. Both men and women suffer after a breakup or divorce as the song goes…
“Here I am
Alone and I don’t understand
Exactly how it all began
The dream just walked away
I’m holdin’ on
When all but the passion’s gone
And from the start
Maybe I was tryin’ too hard
It’s crazy, ’cause it’s breakin’ my heart
Things can fall apart, but I know
That I don’t want you to go…”
But the process of separation or divorce after months or years of loving relationship can be very difficult for partners with all the sweet memories stored in their minds despite all the conflicts and personal pain they have undergone before separation. Many research studies show that men tend to suffer more emotionally compared to women, especially if they are rejected by their partners or wives. Because men are trained in society to keep their emotions and personal problems within themselves, their female partners or wives usually become their close friends or confidante of their personal struggles. And if their partners and wives reject them in a breakup or divorce, the pain of separation can indeed be unbearable. The following lyrics capture the pain and pleading of a man to his female partner to stay:
I can make everything alright Just tell me what to say
‘Cause I really don’t want you to go
You used to laugh and say sweet things to me
You made me happy as a man can be
Hold me in your arms like you did then
Make the memory live all over again
Why don’t you be with me tonight…”
But men tend to experience more emotional hardships compared to women after a separation. Women tend to manage well their painful experience after a breakup than men because of their intimate relationship with their peers or friends.
Men who are rejected by their female partners can become violent as this implies losing someone who can provide emotional support, comfort, and personal advice for all their personal issues. In patriarchal societies, men are trained as breadwinners and leaders in the political arena. Thus, they often face lots of personal conflicts, burnouts, personal threats, etc. Following the traditional gender role, the female partners or wives in these societies often act as counselors, best friends, soulmates, or advisers to their husbands. Thus, one could just imagine the emotional pain the male partners would experience if their female partners decide to end the relationship.
I had a former college student, about to finish her 4-year course, who was stabbed more than 10 times and killed by her boyfriend after she decided to end the relationship. My student lived with her housemaid in a condominium. The parents were working abroad. The boyfriend who is already married often visited her in the condominium. After the housemaid left the condominium to buy something in a nearby store, the stabbing incident occurred. The boyfriend became angry and violent when my former student announced to him that she decided to end their romantic relationship.
I could only theorize that her boyfriend probably had a problematic marital relationship with his wife and that my former student probably became his confidante and close friend, aside from being his lover, who could understand him for all his personal problems. The tragic ending happened when my former student decided to discontinue their romance as she probably realized that their intimacy is not going to end in marriage. It was a crime of passion due to rejection and separation. May she rest in peace. Indeed, men tend to handle breakups very badly compared to women.
Photo credit: Pixabay.com
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